• Polish silverware, silver, or gold. Colgate will shine up silver and gold. Rinse thoroughly.

• Clean piano keys. Squeeze Colgate on a damp cloth. Rub the keys well, wipe dry, and buff with a soft, dry cloth. After all, ivory is made from an elephant's tusk.

• Remove ink spots from cloth. Squeeze Colgate on spot, scrub, and rinse thoroughly.

• Dry up acne pimples. Dab Colgate on pimples as you would use Clearasil.

• Remove crayon from walls. Brush the marks with Colgate on an old toothbrush.

• Remove scratches on glassware. Polish with a dollop of Colgate.

• Deodorize smelly hands. Squeeze an inch of Colgate into your palm and wash hands under running water.

• Remove Kool-aid moustaches from kids' faces. Rub on Colgate and rinse thoroughly.

• Remove tar from the bottom of bare feet. Squeeze on Colgate and rub.

• Deodorize "sour" baby bottles. Scrub with Colgate and a bottle brush.

• Remove scuffs on shoes. Apply Colgate with a tissue, rub, and wipe off.

• Fill small holes in walls. Use a small dab of Colgate as emergency spackling to fill in small holes in plaster walls. Let dry before painting.

Copyright © 2008 Joey Green. All rights reserved. "Colgate" is a registered trademark of Colgate-Palmolive.